Have I Changed

I was sitting with a coffee, reading a Mario Puzo novel in my Apartment’s balcony, when my neighbors’ wife Jia came out with her two month old kid Ashmita. It was drizzling slightly and she wanted to get something from the nearby store. Her husband was not home and she didn’t want to take her kid out in the rain, so she wanted me to (take care) hold the baby while she was out. She wanted me to Babysit!

My record with kids was tremendous, I could make the sweetest of them cry. All I had to do was wave or smile and they would go wailing till their parents picked them back. So I was like uh no Jia… However, before I could complete the sentence Ashmita was in my hands. Her mother said she will be back in ten minutes and left.
I bet she was wondering why her mother had left her with me and was hoping that she would start the war cry before her mother left. As i hold her in my arms she touches my face and goes goo…. The kid was actually smiling, trying to say something and not showing any indication of crying. With new found confidence I tried talking to her. I have seen my mum and cousin sisters try the koochi koochi stuff with kids, and that’s what I did. I spoke gibberish to her. She gave me a look that was like “Hello, you seem to be a nice guy, but what the hell are you saying?” and then she gives me yet another dazzling smile. I stopped making weird noises and started to do everything to make her smile. She enjoyed my company so much that she was not ready to go when her mother came back for her. Euphoria at Ms.Smiles.When she left, there was a strange feeling inside me. Maybe it’s just the euphoria of being successful at a job i sucked at before, maybe it was the way the baby smiled at me. My thoughts went wild, i was thinking about being a father. You know it sounds idiotic, but there at that instant I was feeling different and thinking about the day when I will have my own kid, whom I can share my love with. I started to wonder what had happened to me, spending 10 minutes with the kid had shaken up my outlook on life, I wanted to be someone who could care for and feel loved. My thoughts went to a girl whom I knew for some time. I was thinking about settling down with her. Even though i thought the whole idea was crazy i wanted to talk to her about this.The next day at office i see my colleague setting his sons pic as the computer desktop background. He tells me whenever he feels bad, all he needed to feel better was to look at his sons picture. Today, his statement made sense. I guess euphoria has still not left completely. I was browsing through the web and came across a community, “I will have a daughter someday”, I didn’t know why, but I became a member of that community. I told my colleague this and he told me, listen you cannot be a boy always someday you will grow up and be a different person from what you are now. You will Change. These words made me think that the universe was sending me a message and I decided it was time and to ask her if she would be the one.

I started to move around with a new zeal, stopped being the cool dude, started to make subtle changes that made the difference between a who’s who and who’s he! I thought I had changed. She was waiting for me at her favorite coffee shop. I walked up to her with a big smile and we talked about old friends and other happenings. I was feeling excited cold and racy, and was about to talk about the feelings when I see a girl (you know the “model” type who can make heads turn, and make your jaws drop). I let out a small whistle; she gave me a heart wrenching smile. Euphoria Man! “That was rude!! you cannot do that”. I was being brought back to reality by the girl. We got coffee, and we talked for some more time. After a while I left saying I would catch up with her later. Next day, I walked in to my office threw my back pack over and go about my business. My colleague looks at me and asks “So have you changed”? Almost” I say, as i set a Monica Bellucci picture as my wallpaper and wink at him ;).