I was looking at a photograph in my wallet, when a snob walked in, saw the picture and threw a nasty remark. For a moment I forgot everything, the office, corporate world, and gave a full blooded punch on his face. He reeled from the effect, held his hands against a bloody nose and ran away without a word. The whole office floor looked stunned. Nobody knew that the punch carried the weight of disappointment. For five years, I had kept the disappointment away, but today the small comment brought the emotion out. I walked out straight to the tea shop behind my office, lit a cigarette, my first in years and sat there lost in thought.
I took, out the photograph, and stared at the picture of the girl in it. I had never stopped loving her. My thoughts went to the day when we last met, she stood there looking upon me with complete disappointment, in spite of my best intentions I would always find myself on the other side of her. That day, the gulf between us stretched too far, and she left me behind, with only dreams to cling on to. I never spoke a word, and watched her go. I thought i could let go, but never did. I bottled up my emotions and played the carefree guy role to perfection. I hid myself under a new set of friends and chose to ignore my past.
I never threw away that one photograph, it was something that defined her. Five years later after the Break up, i got a call from her. She wanted to meet me. It was chaos; i couldn’t act as if i did not care anymore. I wondered what she wanted with me. I couldn’t focus on anything and was looking at her photograph when the incident happened. I wondered if I would find the courage to tell her that I didn’t want anything to do with her, after she left me with a broken heart. The cigarette butt burnt my hand, and brought me back to reality. I chose to meet her.
I was shocked when i saw her. She looked at me cheerily and said, you never called, I never knew thought you would be able to do that!!! She was not the same girl that I had fallen madly in love with. Here I was staring at a ghost of her former self. I was at a loss of words. She hugged me, and started to cry. She looked up and said “I want to spend some time with you”. As always, when she was around my only response would be yes. I nodded, and decided to stay for a week.
Those seven days I saw her in a totally new light, sometimes she would hold on to my hands for support, and I knew that i had made a big mistake in my life, but couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I loved her. It is the fear of losing someone that holds you back from loving them very much. She had set up an organization that helped kids with cancer, the same disease that was eating her. This time i decided to stay longer, I quit my job and started to help her with the organization, but in about a month she was fighting a losing battle.
I held her in my arms, as she was drifting away. She had become very weak, as she lay in my arms i kissed her on the forehead, and said. “I love you”. She gave a dazzling smile and closed her eyes. She seemed relaxed. I knew then that she was not going to come back, and the Break up was real this time.
As I walked away from her, I realized that one would never let go of someone they loved truly. She had changed my life again.